my brain is working overtime

Training run: easy run, 5 miles, 10:00 pace

It was such a weird run. My ipod was not working properly (surprise there) so my mileage according to it was 3.5, while my treadmill showed 5.01 miles. Ree-donk-ulous.

I don't know what's worse...trying to calibrate my ipod so it doesn't show 6 miles at a 6:52 pace...only to end up with it showing 3.57 miles at an 11:02 pace. Um?

My mind has been racing with many other questions for the past weeks. We've had a lot on our plates, both with family & work.

Do you ever ask yourself these questions?

Why do some people make it their goal to make other's lives more difficult? What's the purpose of someone giving me a hard time over something so inconsequential? Or why purposely bully someone? Is it just to make yourself feel better?

Why can't I just 'let things go'...why do I have to hold on to everything?

If the Lord calls us to forgive & forget, then why do I have this impeccable memory?
Granted, it can be for my protection at times...recognizing potential problems based on past incidences. But for those people that I love that have hurt me in the past, why can't those incidences be erased from memory?

Why do I always end up comparing my fitness level to other's? My body isn't made to do what the finest runners bodies can do. So why do I continually compare?  

Why do I look in the mirror & always find a flaw? Will the day ever come that I can look in the mirror & be at peace with what I see?

With that said, why do I always compare my body to a celebrity's body? Or a friend's body. Or some random woman I see in a store.

Why when I show emotion, am I labeled as  "emotional" or "too sensitive"? Sometimes a girl just needs to cry. Sometimes a good cry can fix everything. It's like magic tears.

Why wasn't it my accomplishments & hard work that earned me a managerial position? Why do people always assume it's because "daddy runs the company"? Or in the case of many other women, it's because "they slept their way to the top". Can't a woman be successful?

Why am I so stubborn when it comes to asking for forgiveness, or admitting I was wrong?

Why is my brother considered "disabled", and me "normal"...when his outlook on life is one that everyone should strive to have. Maybe I'm the "disabled" one & he, along with every other person that has a "disability", are actually "normal". What is "normal" any way?

What's the purpose of worrying? It won't fix anything & it definitely can't prevent something from happening. So why waste the time & energy?

And for the love of Pete, why on earth does someone cut me off / pull out in front of me, to then do 10 mph under the posted speed limit? Seriously?

I could just have way too much going on in my life right now. I could just be bearing the burden of some things that those I love are faced with right now. Or I could just be further reiterating that I'm a girl who thinks WAY too much.

Either way...I need to make it a goal to abandon negative thinking as far as my fitness & body goes. I need to let go of things more & realize that life on earth isn't forever. I need to make it easy to say "I'm sorry", and I need to practice forgetting past hurts.  


Christina said...

I wonder a lot of those things! Especially the one about memory. My husband always give me a hard time because I remember everything. I've explained to him more than once that I'd love to forget certain aspects of life because I don't want to remember the pain, but I can't.

I think most women are too critical of themselves, although, I've realized that my body image improves greatly when I'm taking care of myself versus being lazy :) It's tough to be a lady some days...

I work with my dad and I find that I'm constantly having to prove myself more than other employees that are male just because they're male...even if they are family also. It sucks. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm probably more knowledgeable than a lot of them.

Anonymous said...

Man I ask myself several of questions every day! I think as women we are just constantly analyzing anything and everything and sometimes it's just hard to let it be lol

Emily said...

Whew, I'm feeling a little exhausted after reading this post, as well as feeling like you and i, my friend, need a little one on one time so i can smack some positive sense into that cute little butt of yours!!!

#1, Ralphie is totally exceptional, this is true! But so are you!
#2, While you are being negative and comparing your flaws to those of airbrushed celebrity non-existent ones, let me just tell you that you have a rockin' bod (ask the hubs!) and people like me look up to your crazy health and fitness way of life. You might not see it this way, but you're a real life inspiration!
#3, I totally think you and all your hard work deserve that management position!
and #4, I think you should take that ipod to the apple store to let them either fix it or give you a new one, and then after that, stop off at Rocky Point for a visit with your favorite friend, me!!! lol, jk about the favorite friend part!